“My journey into fatherhood had its wonderful times, but there were also struggles.”
Toby-Alexander Smith, a former cast member of EastEnders who portrayed serial murderer Gray Atkins from 2019 to 2022, has shared his experiences as a first-time father.
In his new film Finding Calm, Smith aims to raise awareness of paternal mental health by drawing on his personal experience as a parent.
“My journey into fatherhood had its wonderful times, but there were also struggles,” Smith, who is married to Amy Walsh and has a two-year-old daughter named Bonnie, said in an interview with The Mirror. My state of mental health changed. My feelings were intensified.
“There was more happiness, more sorrow…Everything grew elongated. It was challenging to traverse. The din of sounds, the sleep deprivation… you feel inadequate, as like you’re failing as a father.”
Smith expressed his hope that his film, which follows the tale of a first-time father who feels cut off from his kid, could assist other suffering fathers. Smith works with the charities Maternal Mental Health Alliance, Future Men, and PANDAS.
“Men don’t talk enough,” he added. Dads don’t communicate enough. There weren’t many friends of mine who had traveled the same path, so nobody could attest to how difficult it was. Really, that’s all you need to hear. It’s bloody hard, but you can adore your baby, of course.”
Smith, who co-stars in the movie with his wife and Emmerdale actor Amy, described his current connection with his daughter as amazing. He also mentioned his wonderful relationship with Bonnie.
“It took time to develop as she didn’t need me so much at the beginning,” he stated. “However, I recall her turning into a daddy’s girl. Suddenly, she was coming to me with a pay-off-like demeanor. It’s the finest.
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